Cold night

I am in Beijing, and awake. But I still am not clear.

I told myself, no gmail, no blog, no CCHere, then I can't get any information about him. So maybe I can be clearer and clever.

No, I am still confuzed about all the things. Though I know all are passed with him, I still felt disappointed and sad. I am so disappointed to myself and my behaviors.

I am rude, selfish, stupid, impulsive.

I had spoken so much sorry and hurting rude words at the same time, now I feel so shy about myself.

Last week I joined the examination in CAS, it's a cruel course to me. It still passed.

Beijing became a little blue and cloudy to me, not like last year.

I know now I am at a crossroads. I want to get a better and clear answer from myself.